Friday, January 15, 2016

Mormonism's Magical Items

Dust of the Earth
Wipe dust from your shoes to condemn the Devil to Hell!!

Old missionary trick:  If someone slams the door in your face, wipe off your shoe dust. That will teach them!

Enchanted Snot Cloth
The silk cloth gives great healing powers.
More than once JS sent a healing blessing to others using a handkerchief.
Golden 8 - Ball
Gives secret clues.  But only to those who trulyBELIEVE !
Mentioned in the Book of Mormon.  A super cool GPS. JS said he saw it.
Magical paper allows the bearer to channel the minds of long dead Wizards!
Book of Abraham parchment found to have nothing to do with Abraham and not even close to the time period.
Magic Fingers
Stun gun hidden in hand.  No batteries needed.

Nephi once got super angry with his brothers and did a Harry Potter like shocking spell on them.
Mahonri’s Stones
A single touch by the Master Wizard creates eternal illumination.
Stones touched by Jesus in 2500 BC to light the submarines built by the first Native Americans.
Missionary Badge
Being a missionary allows you to cut off the arms of all your enemies!!
Wearing the Badge protects you and gives your parents money!
Mystical Vestments
Protect against the fiery darts of SATAN !!

Temple garments must be worn night and day and have Masonic markings. Lots of stories about it stopping bullets and fire.
Necromancy Magic Wands
Wood taken from the crypt is known to have special healing properties.
A coffin that JS was carried in was later made into canes that many believed could heal.
Olive Oil - the Extra Virgin juice
Just a drop on the woeful one’s crown will bring healing.
Consecrated oil is placed on the heads of people when being healed.
Ollie’s Rod
Gently caress to the rod to see what it produces.
Oliver Cowderytried to learn to use a divining rod like JS and failed.
Put it in a hat and it turns into a iPhone!

Seer Stone would glow and have words spelled out on it when JS put it in a hat.
Porter’s Sensational Tresses
No bullet or blade could hurt him.

Like Samson in the Bible, Porter Rockwell was given strength through his hair to protect JS and Brigham Young.
Shocking Box
Shocking stones whichcounfound the greedy and evil.
Surrounded the Gold Plates. Shocked JS when he tried to get the plates too soon.
Sweet Meat
Gave women plenty of “Suck” … tasted sweet.

In the Book of Mormon the Nephites were near starvation. God blessed the meat so they could eat it raw and it made the women super strong.
Sword of the Headless
The saber will shine forth until the Great One returns!!

Nephi from the Book of Mormon cut off a man's head with his sword and stole it.  JS said he saw it.
Temple Altar
(Not for sacrificing children)
Surround this altar in the Holy Order of Prayer. Secret handshakes and all.
Prayers that are spoken while surrounding the altar of the temple are more likely to come true.
Urim andThummim
Supernatural spectacles for seeing the past and future.

Odd combination of iPad, virtual reality goggles and Viking battle armor.  Used to translate Book of Mormon?
Wonka’s Golden Ticket
Carry this pass everywhere as proof of righteousness / MLM skills.

A pass to get in the temple and will bless the person who carries it.  Also “proves” honesty when selling essential oils.